The Spoiler-Free Sailormoon Episode Summaries

This idea, although blatantly ripped off from the "spoiler-free, link-loaded Evangelion guide"
(which can be found here, to give credit where credit is due), is one of the most humorous
creations I've seen on the web. So for your reading pleasure, here are my
Spoiler-Free Sailormoon Episode Summaries.

R Movie	Mamoru's eerie penchant for attracting homosexual men who want Usagi dead is out in full force. The Senshi reflect on their depressing, wretched, lonely pre-Usagi lives.
S Movie	Inter-species dating, always a popular topic in BSSM, is the focal point of the movie. Oh, and some evil alien wants to take over the world again.
SuperS Movie	Chibiusa's sweet sugar energy is exploited for its world-destroying power. The animators take full advantage of the opportunity to show the Senshi naked.
Ami-chan no Hatsukoi	Poor Ami-chan goes to one too many juku and finally loses it...over a guy? Love letters may cause severe allergic reaction. Do not operate heavy machinery while reading.

Episode	Here's What Happened....
1	We are introduced to the hyperactive crybaby Usagi and her alter-ego, Sailor Moon.
2	Umino molests Haruna-sensei. Usagi remains unfazed.
3	We learn that talk radio can put almost anyone to sleep.
4	Usagi has a self-image problem, proving she's a normal teenage girl.
5	Shingo abuses Luna. Luna abuses Usagi. Usagi abuses Shingo. No connection, really.
6	Queen Beryl realizes that music can contain powerful subliminal messages. J-pop sales skyrocket.
7	Naru wants to get her 15 minutes of fame. Umino is therefore forced to crossdress.
8	Genius girl Mizuno Ami makes her first appearance. Hundreds of rabid fanboys rejoice.
9	Usagi makes it on time to school. Everyone is horrified.
10	Buses seem to disappear without warning. Strangely enough, no one really cares.
11	Chiba Mamoru's infantile mind is explored. Rei and Usagi ride brooms.
12	Rei and Ami go on a date. Oh sure, they try to pretend that it isn't, but nevertheless....
13	Airline deregulation has its downside.
14	Nephrite does some stargazing. Tuxedo Kamen wimps out in the middle of the battle.
15	Usagi exploits the hapless Umino in order to spy on Mamoru and Rei (who are on a "date").
16	Usagi uses the disguise pen to enter a bridal contest in a very tacky dress.
17	The Senshi have to fight a youma who enjoys taking pictures of scantily-clad women.
18	Shingo has a crush on a girl who likes to make killer dolls.
19	Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Moon have fun in an elevator shaft.
20	Filler episode with a horror show twist. No relation to the plot whatsoever.
21	Ami learns that if you stand on a villain's car, he gets really angry.
22	Usagi gets drunk. Umino is apparently related to royalty.
23	Naru-chan takes to a life of crime to satisfy her sexual desires.
24	Nephrite's offer to Naru to partake of chocolate parfait is unfortunately withdrawn.
25	Zoisite gets angry when a girl (a girl!) hits his "pretty face".
26	Rei gives Ami a "love pinch". Naru seeks spiritual counseling for her unnaturally turbulent emotions.
27	Ami gets a guy. Of course he can't be normal.
28	Usagi and Mamoru pose for a picture--don't worry, they have their clothes on.
29	Makoto starts her own housekeeping service. Usagi gets slapped around.
30	Rei's grandfather changes from a mildly ecchi old man to a vicious (but still ecchi) monster.
31	Luna discovers the merits of spaying and neutering. Any shred of dignity Zoisite might have had is gone.
32	Fried shrimp becomes a deadly weapon in Umino's hands.
33	A fake Sailor Moon shows up. Tuxedo Kamen gets attacked by falling coffee bags.
34	Mamoru proves yet again that he's not the brightest crayon in the box.
35	Usagi gets slapped around again. This isn't looking good.
36	Hairwashing, brainwashing, this episode has it all.
37	Usagi trains to be a princess--a process which apparently involves joining the Olympic discus team.
38	Princesses also have to join the Olympic downhill team.
39	And the Olympic figure skating team. Nevertheless, Japan still doesn't have a chance at the gold.
40	Two pairs of legendary lovers at an onsen (hot springs). Much gooey romance.
41	The Dark Kingdom breaks a cardinal rule--never go after the same victims twice in one season.
42	Minako's somewhat erratic behavior is justified by her screwed-up past. Sort of.
43	The Senshi fight their most deadly enemy yet--the paparazzi.
44	The Senshi learn the truth about their past, triggering post-traumatic stress disorder.
45	Usagi gets slapped around yet again. If this keeps up, she can take Anthy's place in the next Utena movie.
46	Lots of sharp pointy things fly around. The North Pole's ecosystem is permanently damaged.

Episode	Here's What Happened....
47	Usagi's attempt at a normal life comes to an abrupt end. Otherwise, there'd be no need for a new series.
48	Even when they don't know they're Senshi, the girls kick serious butt at a movie audition.
49	A mysterious white-robed man with speeches worse than Tuxedo Kamen's appears.
50	Usagi tries to escape reality in a VR game and almost escapes reality permanently.
51	Sailor Moon gets new toys to play with. Probably made in Taiwan.
52	Ail and Ann attack a school bus filled with young children. The PTA is outraged.
53	Usagi discovers the difference between boys and girls.
54	Rei pursues her life long ambition of becoming a lounge singer.
55	Umino tries to force-feed Naru some fried shirmp. Makoto makes eyes at (and lunch for) Seijuurou.
56	Makoto's physical attributes are freely discussed.
57	Haruna-sensei's date gets canceled. Like many teachers, she takes her anger out on her students.
58	Usagi snoops around in a strange apartment, and gets what's coming to her.
59	Naoko and the manga finally catch up, and this rather pointless storyline ends.
60	A strange girl falls from the sky and immediately gets farther with Mamoru than Usagi ever had.
61	Usagi and Mamoru have relationship problems.
62	Ami, rather than pursue her education abroad, opts to remain a Senshi. God forbid she should have a life.
63	In order to see more girls in skin-tight clothing, Rei's grandfather starts a women's exercise class.
64	A sudden change in the laws of physics enables Rei to see a new view of Minako.
65	For the umpteenth time, Makoto and Minako bemoan their boyfriendless state.
66	Mamoru, Usagi, and Chibiusa come together...over ready-made curry?
67	Chibiusa discovers the missing link. Wait, I thought she was the missing link?
68	Chibiusa shows the first signs of her UTI, much to Usagi's dismay.
69	Mamoru tries to make Usagi hate him. Yeah, like that's going to work.
70	To further her nefarious plots, Cooan joins Mary Kay. Tupperware parties can't be far behind.
71	Ami kicks butt playing chess. Just wait until she meets Kasparov.
72	Petz gets a pretty new toy, and the Sailor Senshi break it.
73	Chibiusa takes parachute lessons. The Sailor Senshi get kidnapped by a spiny UFO.
74	One of the more taboo scenes in BSSM. More fun with physics.
75	Chibiusa gets sick and starts hallucinating.
76	Esmeraude has difficulty sticking to her crash diet, and has an unhealthy bout of bingeing.
77	A new bracelet fad infects people with dark energy. '80s kids should be familiar with this.
78	Minako tries to be like Clara Barton and ends up acting like Nurse Ratched.
79	Artemis gets beat up by rabid performing animals.
80	Ami misses a dose of medication and starts hearing voices again.
81	Chibiusa's classmates decide to attack her. Organic chemistry plays an important part in this episode.
82	The Sailor Senshi do the Time Warp again. ("It's just a jump to the left...")
83	We discover that the fashions of the future are every bit as hideous as those of the present.
84	Esmeraude's obsession with fancy jewelry goes a little too far.
85	Chibiusa gets a new hairstyle, and a new dress, and a few more new things....
86	Saffiru hacks the Dark Moon's computer system. Wiseman politely rebukes him.
87	Prince Demando finally gets a clue--the guy's a little slow on the uptake.
88	Chibiusa decides to stop blaming everything that's wrong with her on her parents.
89	S season promo--in other words, a complete waste of airtime.

Episode	Here's What Happened....
90	Two new Senshi show up. They aren't much help.
91	Usagi-tachi once again promote the family values of good pet care--and picking up your toys.
92	A very cute blond boy enchants Minako and Usagi. The boy later reveals a shocking secret.
93	Michiru plays with a lemon. No, not that kind of lemon, you hentai.
94	Motoki's sister Unazuki develops an unhealthy passion for Makoto. Mamoru's memory shorts out again.
95	Naru and Umino go on the Love Connection. They won't be seen again for a long time.
96	Makoto's sexual orientation is questioned. Gratuitous butt-shot of Michiru.
97	Michiru wears two completely different bathing suits in the space of 25 minutes.
98	Usagi and Haruka share two tender moments of sweet...camaraderie.
99	In a last, desperate attempt to get Rei's attention, Yuuichirou stars in his very own infomercial.
100	Artemis gives Minako a bouquet of roses and asks her out on a date.
101	Mamoru is put on the spot when Usagi asks him where her birthday present is.
102	Kaolinite's plan to distribute Tuxedo-Kamensicles is thwarted by the "real" Sailor Moon.
103	Someone unexpected jumps in to save Usagi's behind yet again...and it's not Tuxedo Kamen.
104	Chibiusa is assaulted by a flasher, then by a cross-dresser.
105	Makoto puts herself through a rigorous training course to prove her worth.
106	Minako and Makoto are molested by an older track star...who has a connection to Haruka and Michiru....
107	Chibiusa and Michiru fight over the same boy. Guess who wins?
108	Usagi fails her English language lessons. To comfort herself, she gets drunk again.
109	Minako decides that the best way for her to contribute to society is to drain all the blood from her body.
110	Eudial brings her own music with her wherever she goes.
111	Lots of pretty butterflies float around. Eudial unwillingly gives up all patent rights to the FireBuster II.
112	Chibiusa makes a new friend. The Senshi take part in a remake of Tombstone.
113	Usagi's inability to learn kanji finally catches up to her.
114	Minako wears a low-cut bathing suit and struts her stuff on a brightly-lit stage.
115	Haruka displays her exhibitionist tendencies.
116	A daimon throws roses at the Senshi, which ticks Tuxedo Kamen off to no end.
117	We see how the Deathbusters spend their evenings.
118	Professor Tomoe manages to devour several bags of groceries at one sitting.
119	Setsuna somehow manages to tell the Senshi everything and yet nothing about the enemy at the same time.
120	The plug is abruptly pulled on Mimete's dreams of TV stardom.
121	The green-haired Teruru runs a little shop of horrors in Juubangai.
122	As if driving students to suicide wasn't enough, Mugen Gakuen steals heart crystals during a national exam.
123	A new Deathbuster takes care of a bit of unfinished business.
124	Japanese construction may be designed to survive earthquakes and tsunami, but it can't stop...the Heart.
125	Lots of things blow up. Tokyo seems to have more than its fair share of problems with alien invaders.
126	Pluto impersonates Salvador Dali. Sailor Moon finally beats some sense into Uranus and Neptune's heads.
127	SuperS season intro/trailer episode...next up, an entire season for Chibiusa!

Episode	Here's What Happened....
128	Somehow, the appearance of an immense circus tent in the middle of Tokyo doesn't bother anyone.
129	Reika, Motoki's girlfriend, puts in a rare appearance. Too bad we'll never see her again.
130	The entire episode revolves around the baking and subsequent eating of a lemon pie.
131	Everyone's favorite youma bait, Naru-chan, is accosted by a strange man with a terminal interest in her.
Specials	Special #1: Usagi and Chibiusa argue about whose personality has regressed the most. Special #2: Even when she's ill, Haruka manages to flirt with anything remotely female. Special #3: Forget Buffy. The Senshi have their own method of dealing with vampires.
132	Usagi remains oblivious to the fact that an older woman is making eyes at Mamoru.
133	Artemis is suspected of having an affair. He, of course, denies everything.
134	Tiger's Eye discovers that there's more to being a book publisher than seducing your clients.
135	Chibiusa pretends to be Van Gogh. Both ears manage to remain intact.
136	Rei destroys Mamoru's apartment. His vengeance is to show a bit too much skin for Usagi's taste.
137	Fish Eye is today's star, so naturally there's quite a bit of talk about fairies.
138	Villains with bad driving records are prominent in this television show.
139	A not-so subtle plug for Toei mars a touching mother-daughter reunion.
140	Usagi's picking out her wedding dress. Oh, Mamoru, Mamoru, Mamoru...what have you been up to?
141	Minako. Two eligible men. Angst. Steamy love scenes...wait, darn it, the last one wasn't in that episode.
142	A filler episode that has no relation to the story, and should belong on the TV Food Network.
143	A soccer-playing bishounen has a thing for Chibiusa. The Senshi wander around aimlessly.
144	Shingo drools over an older woman with blue hair, but thank goodness it's not Ikuko-mama.
145	Usagi discovers that the skin-tight leotards of ballet dancers don't flatter her figure.
146	Apparently, royal visitors shouldn't walk around Juuban alone...especially if their kingdoms don't exist.
147	Ami and Makoto dance together at a party. Speculations about their sexual orientations run wild.
148	Usagi gets jealous again. This time, however, she actually has something to worry about.
149	Clowns are scary. Nothing else.
150	Usagi talks about "melting in love". Mamoru looks rather uncomfortable.
151	Naked blue-haired girls, scary computers, insecurity....an episode strangely reminiscent of Evangelion.
152	"All About Eve" gets a remake when Rei acquires an awe-struck disciple.
153	Palla-Palla brings an entirely new meaning to the phrase "cavity search".
154	Makoto and Minako fight over a married man. Artemis gets yelled at a lot.
155	Zirconia runs out of blood-pressure medication. Chibiusa enjoys leaping over horses.
156	Usagi is insulted repeatedly--her appearance, her cooking, her manners, her fighting style....
157	One of Chibiusa's nutty friends believes he can make a flying machine.
158	This episode has adult themes. Parental guidance is suggested.
159	Chibiusa discovers that if you lie enough, eventually it will catch up to you (or confuse the heck out of you).
160	Coming of age in Japan doesn't occur until you are twenty, which bothers the Amazoness Quartet.
161	Even a spider web can knock Mamoru on his butt.
162	Basic plot information that should have been revealed ten episodes is finally mentioned.
163	The Sailor Senshi go through the looking-glass, and talk to themselves.
164	Hysterical laughter works for villains, especially the looney ones.
165	Mamoru hallucinates while the Amazoness Quartet vacillates.
166	Sailor Moon defies the laws of physics yet again. Chibiusa's domination of the storyline ends.

167	Kidnapping and child abuse appear briefly, along with a few people we haven't seen in a season or two.
168	Usagi practices tongue twisters. There is definite proof that little girls are the most cute creatures in the world.
169	Spare keys reveal far too much about a certain romantic relationship.
170	We learn that Ami is secretly designing game plans for the NBA.
171	Usagi gets high on some pretty flowers. Jupiter uses her own flower power to bring her down.
172	A sweet lullaby ends one storyline as hideous laughter rings in the new....
173	Beatlemania strikes the Senshi, particularly Ami. We are introduced to the new Dominatrix Senshi!
174	Usagi joins the manga club after defeating a cross-dressing football player.
175	Minako again pursues her dream to be an idol, with little success.
176	It becomes apparent that the Three Lights will never win a Tony.
177	Ami goes star-gazing, and so do Usagi and Minako.
178	Even Luna goes ga-ga over the swishy charms of the Three Lights. Yaten's sexual orientation is questioned.
179	Mako and another chef face off, trying to decide whose dessert Usagi will eat first.
180	Michiru acts like a tease. Seiya acts like a lech. Haruka acts like an understandably ticked-off lover.
181	Not content with just Michiru, Seiya destroys Usagi's childlike innocence during a heart-pounding date.
182	Setsuna chows down on an ice cream bar as more weird stuff happens--it involves Robocop.
183	The Three Lights, desperate for publicity, resort to making a sentai movie in the best Power Rangers tradition.
184	Seiya nearly flashes Usagi. Usagi uses the only weapon she has in the house--a pizza--on an intruder.
185	Taiki visits a sick little girl in the hospital, but only after Ami and Usagi beg him to go.
186	Usagi dreams of visiting a magical world of candy to satisfy her gluttony.
187	Minako wants to do a "love love toss" with Taiki. Usagi meets the Three Lights' Chief Otaku.
188	Japan Airlines gets free publicity in this episode--however, it's of the negative kind.
189	The old "how many people can you fit in a phone booth" trick is favored by the villains.
190	Everyone argues, Usagi cries, Haruka and Michiru complain, and Seiya passes out during a concert.
191	The girls cosplay as game characters. Fanboys rejoice.
192	Minako enters a beauty contest thinly disguised as an idol search.
193	Lots of pink butterflies flutter by--an ominous sign that something important to the plot will happen.
194	The girls are determined to protect Usagi at all cost...with Mace, a gas mask, and Rei the Avenger.
195	Boy bands (like the Three Lights) never die, they just give eternal 'final concerts'.
196	One minute and thirty five seconds worth of henshin later, the battle for the domination of the world begins.
197	The battle for the domination of the world continues.
198	Yep, the battle's still going on.
199	What are you looking at me for? It's not my fault they haven't kicked the villain's butt yet.
200	The series ends. You can all go back to your regular lives now.