Harry Potter and the Legacy of the Light: A Harry Potter/The Dark Is Rising Sequence Crossover
The CONDENSED EDITION -- Chapters Eleven Through Seventeen
By: Gramarye
HARRY: Of course we have Potions as our first
class, just to start off the snarking straightaway.
DRACO: Ha ha, Potter, you suck!
HARRY: Eleven chapters -- y'know, I was
wondering when you were going to show up.
DRACO: Just to prove how awful and nasty
Slytherins are, I'll insult the dead.
HERMIONE: You're not nearly important enough to
this story, so bugger off.
DRACO: Ooh, I'll get you next time, Potter!
RON: Heads up, all, it's everyone's favourite
quasi-reformed Death Eater!
SNAPE: Grar, Longbottom, why aren't you cringing
and wetting yourself yet?
NEVILLE: Bite me, greasy git.
SNAPE: .......
NEVILLE: ........
SNAPE: ...........
NEVILLE: ..........
GRYFFINDORS/SLYTHERINS: The HELL?!
SNAPE: ....er, yes, well, right, I think I'm
going to go and be over here now for a bit GET TO WORK ALL OF
YOU!
HARRY: Yes, Neville, why aren't you
cringing and wetting yourself yet?
HERMIONE: Honestly, Harry, didn't you read "Town and Gown"?
MRS FIGG: On a related note, welcome to Defence
Against the Dark Arts, the class which never fails to give new
meaning to the term 'equal opportunity employment'.
RON: Hey, what about Quidditch?
HARRY: Not yet, we've got to meet another minor
character.
NATALIE McDONALD:
HelloI'llbetakingoverColinCreevey'srole!
HARRY: Uh-oh.
NATALIE McDONALD:
Hermione'sjustthebestestandprettiestandsmartestpersonevershe'ssocool!
HERMIONE: Yes...well, on that note, I think it's
time for a creepy and ominous dream sequence.
WORMTAIL: Boo.
HARRY: Gah!
WORMTAIL: Harry, I am your...no, wait that
joke's been done to death.
HARRY: *wakes up*
RON: Now that you're awake, Harry, let's see if
I've got this straight -- either someone injected Skele-Gro into
Neville's spine this summer, or he's evil.
HERMIONE: Ron, you'll pull a muscle one of these
days if you don't stretch before you make those leaps of logic.
HARRY: Look, do you have a better explanation?
HERMIONE: I'm sure that you'll be getting one
soon enough from Will.
WILL: *reshelves books omnisciently*
HARRY: Hermione's worried about Natalie and
Ron's worried about her, so I'm just going to stay put and OW
DAMN IT MY SCAR!
WILL: You're...not the only one...in pain here.
HARRY: What do I do?
SNAPE: Interfere in my business, as usual.
HARRY: Bite me, greasy git.
SNAPE: *throws Harry against a wall*
HARRY: ...but it worked for Neville....ow....
HERMIONE: Harry, no time to be unconscious,
we've got plot to reveal!
RON: And Neville's still evil, I think!
WILL: No, he's not.
HARRY: Huh?
WILL: Mr Potter, didn't you read "Town and
Gown"?
NEVILLE: I'm not evil, I'm misunderstood.
WILL: And then there were four and all that, but
now it's time for me to demonstrate my magic and remind you of
why I'm in this story in the first place.
RON: STUPEFY!
WILL: *yawns*
RON: *crumples*
HARRY/HERMIONE/NEVILLE: DAMN.
RON: *comes to*
HARRY: Just in case you'd thought we'd forgotten
about Quidditch, Ron's on the team and Colin's a reserve, so we
can get on with things.
RON: And Mum's invited you home for Christmas,
too.
DUMBLEDORE: But you can't go because I said so.
HERMIONE: Since I stayed at Hogwarts too, Harry,
let's sneak up to the Astronomy Tower and pointedly not snog!
WILL: Thank heavens I didn't walk in on any
snogging.
HARRY: So what do we do up here?
WILL: Sing carols, of course.
HARRY: Oh.
WILL/HERMIONE: 'Hark how the bells jingle all
the first nowell the angels we have heard on Christmas day in the
morning!'
HARRY: Awesome.
WILL: Care to pick the last one, Miss Granger?
HERMIONE: If you don't mind the eerie
significance of the carol I choose.
WILL: Sometimes I think my entire life is one
big, massive eerie significance.
HARRY: What?
WILL: Oh, go back to sleep.
WILL/HERMIONE: *sing an eerily significant
Christmas carol involving watchmen and metaphors*
WILL: Well, I hope you have a happy
Christmas, at least.
HARRY/HERMIONE: Happy Christmas, Will.
GRAMARYE: Enjoy it while it lasts, my poppets.